Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Army roller coaster of emotions...

I debated a while on whether or not to actually post this. But I feel it is necessary. I created this blog for a way for my family and friends back home to keep up with Christopher and I and our journeys through different states and countries that the Army sends us to and our times while we are there. But I want everyone to also know a little of what happens in our "Army life" and the sometimes, roller coaster of emotions that we have to deal with. The Army is always taking us for a ride! :)

Since we have been in Oklahoma, where we were going to be PCSed (Permanent Change of Station = where we will be living) has changed three different times. I thought about blogging about it a while back, but we told our families and then it just kept changing so we just decided to kind of stop talking about it until we knew for sure. (which I'm not positive you ever know with the Army until you are actually there) :) When we first got Chris' orders they said Vilseck, which is in Germany. Then right after that email we got another email saying, no, that of the 4 guys on the email - we were headed to Vicenza, Italy. We went back and forth with that idea - but finally were told if we didn't do Italy we would be sent to Bamberg, Germany. Well, that's where our hearts were set we took it. There were a lot of emotions and thoughts that went into Italy. That died down for a little while and once we were told Bamberg, Chris has been in constant contact with the admin. guy in Bamberg who has been a huge help to us already.

A few weeks ago Chris went and had his medical screening done. He got the paperwork necessary for me to go get mine done. We just had to go and make sure that we were both cleared to go overseas. He had to get one shot and told me I would probably have to get some as well. Trying to get my medical records was a MESS!!! I called my pediatrician to which they are moving offices and all old patients are in a storage somewhere and told me at the earliest December would be when they could get me something, I called my family doctor but I never moved my shot records there. I called my high school and they never returned my call. Then my best friend said what about your college, you had to give it to them. I called UNF and for ONCE they were AMAZING! They gave me all the information I needed and got it in the mail the next day and it made it before I had to go to the doctor! When I got my records, I haven't had any shots since 1991!!! So Chris was like, you probably are going to have to get a bunch. After he said that, I was a mess! I had serious anxiety thinking about having to get shots and going to the hospital. But Christopher thankfully got out of work to go with me, he was an amazing husband and let me cry and squeeze him while I got my shot (I only had to get one and I go back for a TB test later). It was Chris' first experience with me - it's always been my mother. I called her before I went telling her I wished she was there! :) But Chris passed the first test of my crazy anxiety issues with shots and doctors and hospitals. He's just lucky I didn't have to have blood drawn. :) He was very good with trying to calm me down. He was so sweet.

We were kind of in a hurry that day - I got off two hours early from work to go make my appointment, but that night was the Commandants reception. As soon as I saw the doctor, we went to the clinic to get my shot and Chris wanted to go ahead and take the paperwork to the lady that was writing his orders because she was waiting on that paperwork to finish up his orders. And we really wanted our orders so we could get things started with this move because it's coming quickly. We took the papers quickly to the lady that was writing Chris' orders, well she told us she didn't need them, that we needed to take them to the travel office. So we did. There were two ladies there that were very helpful, took our medical screenings and said they could now "update the Germany web site" so while Chris was asking a bunch of questions, the other lady was updating the web site. A few minutes later she then told us that we have "deferred travel" to Germany. After explaining to us what that meant, I was a little bummed. She told us there is no housing available in Bamberg right now so that Chris will leave to go to Germany without me. And I cannot go until they call me and tell me there is housing available. We asked a few more questions and left. I was a little upset, but I tried not to think too much about it because we had a fun night ahead of us and I didn't want that to put a damper on it. So we went to the Commandants reception. I went in to work the next day. My phone rings with an Oklahoma area code. Not knowing who in the world it would be, I answered. It was one of the ladies we had spoken with at the travel office. She informed me that Chris needed to go in as soon as possible and get a memorandum and take it to the lady that was writing his orders to take me OFF his orders since we had deferred travel. Immediately I got upset. It hit me that it was real. He would be going without me. The reason this effects me so much is Chris is deploying quickly when he gets to Germany. Therefore, there is a chance that I could have to make the move to Germany alone. If he deploys and then they call and tell me there is housing.

For about two weeks now, we have talked about it, I have cried every day about it, we have processed every little situation in our heads as we possibly can from me just staying in Florida with my family until after he gets back from deployment - to just going around it and paying my way to Germany and staying with a friend I have there until we get housing. To us asking a million questions like, why us! We know so many people who have moved to Germany, so many people in the Army who have never even heard of this! It's not fair!!! But life's not fair. Chris has been so awesome through all of this. And he has done everything he possibly can to see if we could work our way around it and asking a million questions as to why.

It's now official, we got his orders on Monday. I am not on them and he is going alone (as of now). The movers will come and take his things the day after Thanksgiving. They will come to move my "unaccompanied baggage" - which is immediate things I will need once I get to Germany like bed, linens, towels, kitchen items - on Dec. 14th and the rest of my household goods (including everything else) on Dec. 16th. They will move them to "non-temporary storage" here in Oklahoma until I get word housing has opened up and I can move to Germany. Chris' things will go ahead so that he will hopefully have them when he gets to Germany or soon after.

It's been rough. I have met two girls who are in Bamberg right now who had my current situation. I have been talking to them and getting as much advice as possible. They have both told me the whole process will be awful and stressful as ever, but it's worth it! We had come to the conclusion that we would just pay my way over there and I would go with him and we would get off-post housing. It has been so much trouble. Finally Chris said the other day, "you know Court, we have never had to work at getting something" he said "everything has always pretty much been smooth sailing, there must be a reason God doesn't want you going with me because we just have to keep pushing down door after door to try to make this work". After he said that I sat back and realized, you know, he is right. Even though we don't understand and it stinks SOOOO much to think I could have to tell my husband goodbye two months earlier than I would have to if I went with him, ON TOP OF deployment and that I may just have to move to Germany, another country, ALONE and for my husband who would have to go to Germany alone and deploy and us not be together - I just started saying I need to let this go. And I did. I started praying. I truly told God I am letting this go, it is out of my control and there is NOTHING we can do about it to just please give me us both a peace that He will take care of us. I kept telling myself, God won't give us anything we can't handle, but I wonder sometimes! :) But I just kept praying. I am not even praying anything specific. Just whatever HIS WILL is for us. If that is to be able to go with Chris, then I will be able to go. If not, to just give me an overwhelming peace about this situation that He has a plan. Wouldn't you know, after crying about it for TWO weeks - I woke up the next day and I just feel SO much better. I have a peace that I cannot explain. Now I will tell you, I am still scared to death, it isn't necessarily what I want - but it isn't always! I'm just praying God takes care of me and my husband no matter what. And that we just become two stronger individuals through GOD'S HELP after this situation is over and done with.

We talked to the housing office in Germany and they told us to call back Dec. 10th or 12th to see if housing has opened up, if it has, then they will change his orders for me to go with him. All I ask is that for you, our friends and family to just pray for us. Chris has enough going on with his school, November is supposively the hardest part - and he has a huge test the DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING. This is all such bad timing because he doesn't even have time to think about Germany! Much less a crazy emotional wife who just needs to figure things out. Pray for Christopher as he is facing a very hard and busy next three weeks. Pray for him as he is thinking and dealing with going to Germany alone and facing deployment without me even being there to experience going to Germany and to see him off. He is having a hard time as well. And for me, that I would remain peaceful no matter what the situation is and that God would give me strength to do whatever is sent my way. Also pray for both of us as deployment is quickly upon us. With Chris only being graduated a good 8 months and us being married right about 7. That He would give us an awesome two months left together and start preparing us for this next journey that we never imagined would be upon us so quickly. We knew the day would come, but not quite this soon. Pray that God will give Christopher a peace and myself for us to both be strong. To pray that God will prepare us to deal with the next year of being apart. God is faithful, and I am so thankful his mercies are new every morning.

My life verse, that I am clinging to..."Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will act." -Psalm 37:3-5

We love you all and would appreciate your prayers!!!

Christopher and Courtney